What is mindfulness?

When I use the word “mindfulness,” what comes to mind? For a lot of people, it can bring up images of sitting in silence with your eyes closed, criss-cross-apple-sauce on a meditation pillow doing your best to relax. While this can be one expression of mindfulness, that’s not really what I’m talking about. So let me clarify. While there are a lot of definitions out there, I like this one: mindfulness is paying attention on purpose with curiosity and kindness.

Let’s break it down.

Mindfulness is paying attention on purpose.

All day long, you’re paying attention to stuff. Some of that stuff is happening around you (like what you can see, hear, taste, smell, and touch). Some of thats stuff is happening inside you (like thoughts, emotions, and internal physical sensations). Without mindfully directing your attention, it’s easy to spend your day caught up in situations or big feelings longer than you really need or want to be. Mindfulness allows you to direct your attention to what really matters to you in any given moment. It’s paying attention on purpose.

Mindfulness is paying attention with curiosity.

Once you’re paying attention on purpose, mindfulness involves paying attention with curiosity. One way to do this is to ask yourself: “what is it like for me to be experiencing this right now?” This question can help you to appreciate, soak up, and savor a really good moment. It can help you recognize what feels good about it and what specific needs are being met. This question can also help you stay grounded during a really hard moment. It can help you recognize what feels hard about it and what specific needs are not being met. Either way, paying attention with curiosity can help you to use your experiences as data about your values and needs.

Mindfulness is paying attention with kindness.

Sometimes, mindfulness can be uncomfortable. When you start paying attention on purpose with curiosity, you may become more tuned in to situations, thoughts, or feelings that you usually avoid. Holding space for this discomfort can feel really challenging. You may notice an impulse to struggle against it or judge yourself for experiencing it in the first place. Mindfulness gives you an alternative way of responding. It invites you to treat yourself with patience, gentleness, and compassion. It’s paying attention with kindness.

Mindfulness is a mindset.

Mindfulness isn’t just something that happens during a meditation practice. It’s a mindset — a set of skills and strategies that you can use in your real, day-to-day life to pay attention on purpose with curiosity and kindness. Stay tuned for my next post, where I’ll share about the benefits of mindfulness for you as a new parent.