What are intrusive thoughts?

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted images and ideas. They’re sometimes scary, sometimes really disturbing, and almost always uncomfortable. Intrusive thoughts are really common, especially during pregnancy and the postpartum year. In this post, I share 7 tips to unhook from intrusive thoughts so that they feel a little less intense and a little easier to manage.

Here are 7 tips to unhook from intrusive thoughts.

Tip #1: Notice you’re having a thought.

For this first tip, just notice that you’re having a thought. Say to yourself: “I notice that I’m having the thought that…” This may sound like: “I notice I’m having the thought that I’m going to drop my baby down the stairs” or “I notice I’m having the thought that we are going to get into a car crash on the way to grandma’s house and my baby is going to be seriously injured.” This can be a helpful reminder that, even if it feels really scary and uncomfortable, it’s just a thought.

Tip #2: Write your thoughts down.

Get out a pen and some paper. Write down all of the intrusive, scary thoughts that are showing up right now. This is sometimes called a “brain dump.” The idea is get stuff out of your head and onto paper. Once you do, it’s a little easier to organize, understand, and respond to what your mind might be trying to tell you (if anything).

Bonus points if you can start this list with the first tip! To do that, at the top of the paper, just write: “I notice that I’m having the thought that…”

Tip #3: Name the story.

This tip pairs nicely with our last tip. Let’s say you’ve written all of your intrusive thoughts down and now have them in front of you where you can see them. Take a second to read them over and notice any strong emotions or memories they bring up. Acknowledge any relevant backstory your intrusive thoughts may have. Holding all of this in mind, imagine you could write a book or a story about this part of your life. What would you want to name that story? For example, maybe you name it the “I’m Helpless” story. Once you’ve given this story a name, you can quickly recognize it when it pops up in the future. And when you do, you can say to yourself: “Oh hey! It’s the ‘I’m Helpless’ story.. I know this one.”

Tip # 4: Thank your thoughts.

If we could assume (or just pretend) that your thoughts were your mind’s well-intentioned reminders of something that matters to you, what might that be? This question can help you to clarify the personal values or needs underneath the intrusive thoughts. For example, the intrusive thought about accidentally dropping your baby down the stairs can remind you that you value your baby’s safety. You might then hold them a little tighter and walk extra carefully. In this case, thanking your thoughts might sound like: “thank you, thoughts, for reminding me that my baby’s safety is really important to me.”

Sometimes, your intrusive thoughts may feel so weird or random that they don’t seem to signal an obvious value or need. That’s okay too. In this case, thanking your thoughts might have a slight sarcastic edge. Lean into that if it’s helpful. It might sound like: “thanks a lot thoughts, really appreciate the feedback.” The idea here is to not take the thought so seriously.

Tip #5: Imagine your thoughts in a silly context.

Quick disclaimer: Sometimes, humor can be a really helpful tool in unhooking from intense thoughts. But sometimes, those thoughts or your situation are just too painful to make light of. If that’s you, I want you to know: I see you. It is totally fair and okay to not want anything to do with anything silly right now. Please ignore this tip.

If you’re a Harry Potter fan, you may remember a scene from The Prisoner of Azkaban where Professor Lupin is teaching the students how to defend themselves against a shapeshifter. This shapeshifter, much like intrusive thoughts, takes the form of your worst fears. The defense Lupin teaches is simple: imagine the scary thing doing something silly. This is where we see Neville turn Professor Snape into Professor Snape wearing Neville’s grandmother’s clothes and we see Ron turn a giant spider into a giant spider slipping around in roller skates. The students laugh and the shapeshifter (in its silly form) is a little less scary.

You can do the same thing with your intrusive thoughts. Imagine them in a different (maybe even silly) way to help them feel less intense. For example, you could sing your intrusive thoughts to the familiar tune of the Happy Birthday song or I Want It That Way by the Backstreet Boys. You could imagine your favorite cartoon characters dramatically acting out your intrusive thoughts during a game of charades. Or, you could picture your intrusive thoughts printed on tiny t-shirts worn by tiny puppies running around your local dog park. The options here are endless.

Tip #6: Stop fighting your thoughts.

An understandable and super relatable mistake is trying your hardest NOT to think the intrusive, scary thoughts. After all, they’re intrusive (so rude) and scary! The problem with this strategy is that it just doesn’t work. For example, now that I’ve mentioned puppies, I’m going to ask you to try your VERY VERY hardest not to think of puppies. Whatever you do, don’t think about puppies. Think about anything OTHER than puppies. Don’t think about how small and cute those puppies are. Don’t think about how soft and cuddly they could be. Are you thinking about puppies? If you are, definitely stop thinking about puppies. Here’s my point: if your focus is on NOT thinking about something, that’s where your attention (and thoughts!) will be.

Tip #7: Shift your attention.

This may seem to be the opposite of tip #6, but it doesn’t have to be. Sure, if you’re trying really really hard to NOT have a thought and you’re shifting your attention with the hopes that it will distract you from that thought you really really don’t want to have, it may backfire. Instead, try letting your thoughts be there and then shifting your attention to what you’d rather be focusing on. Do this gently and as many times as you need to. Eventually, your intrusive thoughts may naturally chill out a bit as you become more and more engaged in whatever it is you’re doing. (Just remember to count this as a pleasant side effect, not your main goal).

Here’s some good news about intrusive thoughts.

You don’t have to get rid of your intrusive thoughts to live an awesome, meaningful life. It’s okay that you don’t like or want them. It’s so human to wish they weren’t there. AND, it’s so human to have them in the first place. When intrusive thoughts do show up, consider experimenting with one of these tips.